Archive for November 23rd, 2011

The Tail of Two Tales UPDATE: Bonus TALE!

Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011

Oh what fun it is to watch the way journalists report. Let’s begin with this one. It’s a heartwarming story about a rare cat recently seen in Arizona.


An Arizona hunter has made a rare confirmed sighting of a wild jaguar close to the Mexico border in southeastern Arizona, the Arizona Game and Fish Department said on Monday.

Jaguars’ habitat ranges from Argentina to the rugged borderlands of Arizona and New Mexico. There have only been a handful of sightings by hunters in Arizona, and no jaguars are believed to breed in the United States.

Oh how nice! A kitty-cat! Let’s read more!

Blah, blah, blah, blah blahblahblah.


Then, when you get to the last paragraphs of the story, we find out why this is a story.

In recent years, concern over the well-being of the U.S. jaguar population has intensified as a program to build some 700 miles of security fence along the nearly 2,000-mile border with Mexico has gathered pace.

Yes, that’s right. These poor critters might go extinct if we build a fence to keep them out. You see, the females are in Mexico and the males are here sleeping in trees. Or something like that.

Some conservationists feared that the fencing would prevent the powerful, solitary hunters from roaming up from Mexico.

Those must be the ones that jump the border to hunt cash from fauna here. And start fires.

People entering the U.S. illegally from Mexico are believed responsible for more than one-third of human-ignited wildfires in Arizona over a five-year period, according to a government report that could stoke congressional debate over illegal immigration.

Damn cats.

Anyway, let’s move on, shall we?

Local fishing boat owner Carlos Rafael was elated when one of his trawlers snared an 881-pound bluefin tuna earlier this month.

But the joy was short-lived. Federal fishery enforcement agents seized the fish when the crew returned to port Nov. 12.

What the heck would the feds want with a dead fish? Maybe they wanted to feed that cat. Let’s go read the last paragraph to find out the agenda of this reporter.

“It is important to carefully follow the regulations so U.S. fishermen can retain their share, and the associated jobs and profits, of this international resource,” the NOAA said.

Yes, we must follow regulations. Everyone must follow regulations. Including the regulations on how to immigrate legally. But you’ll never see that in print.


Thanksgiving can be tough for a turkey, but every year two birds get a lucky break thanks to the presidential pardon.

And for the pardoned turkey and its alternate, their large size makes life sweet—but short. Last year’s presidentially pardoned turkeys, Apple and Cider, passed away within the year after President Obama pardoned them.


You may think this is just another case of Obama The Anti-Midas™ striking again, but you always must find the liberalism in the story…


Susie Coston, national shelter director of the Farm Sanctuary, a farm animal rescue facility, says that the birds are bred for eating, which makes them fat and prone to heart disease, respiratory conditions, and strained joints. In order to dodge death, she says, the turkeys would need to be on a restrictive diet.

Yes, kiddies, we need to follow Moochelle’s dietary advice or we’ll suffer similar fates!